


Mother

by orphan_account



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Blood, Force-Feeding, Human Experimentation, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-17 15:24:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4671641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>EMR-Y5 knows nothing about life outside his tank. All he wants is somebody to hug him, somebody to pet his head, somebody to love him. He wants his mother - whatever the cost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Very loosely based on Rammstein's ["Mutter"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGe1jZ-0iaQ) . Included is my adaptation of the lyrics into English.

_Children weep, old beyond their years  
_

_On a white hair I thread their tears  
_

_I throw the damp necklace into the sky  
_

_"I wish I had a mother," I cry  
_

 

Uther Pendragon stands before a large glass tube, watching as it is filled with gelatinous yellow liquid. His hair is beginning to grey at the temples, but his eyes are quick and perceptive. Beside him stands a young woman, a shock of dark brown hair contrasting with her white lab coat.

“How are they developing?” Uther asks.

“Four are beginning to mature quite well, sir, but the rest were inviable,” the woman replies, frowning at a clipboard. “Two males, two females. The girls are fraternal twins, interestingly enough,” she notes.

“Excellent work, Dr. Rhys,” Uther breathes as the liquid nears the top of the tube. “And...Ygraine?”

“She’s responding well to the treatments,” his subordinate says. “With a bit of luck, implantation of the embryo will happen within two weeks.”

A brief grin flits across Uther’s face, lighting up his normally stern countenance with genuine pleasure.

“You’re a miracle worker, Dr. Rhys,” he says, turning to the woman beside him. “You have my most sincere thanks.”

“It was my privilege,” she replies, returning the grin. “And please, call me Nimueh.”

As Uther exits the room, he spares one last glance at the glass tube. Now completely filled with liquid, an inscription is visible on the surface. It reads: EMR-Y5.

He turns a corner, peeling away from Dr. Rhys - Nimueh, he corrects himself - and striding down the hallway. However, a figure blocks his path, an older man, also dressed in the white coat of a scientist.

“What can I do for you, Gaius?” Uther asks, his tone pleasant.

“Sir, I must ask for you to reconsider Project M,” the man replies gravely. “The consequences of lab-grown -”

“Nonsense,” comes the reply, cutting the older man off. “Genetics is an uncharted field, my old friend. We are doing new work, pushing the boundaries of what it means to be human! If these techniques are successful, we could create a race capable of superhuman feats, even a new species altogether! The cure for cancer, Gaius,” Uther emphasizes, “no more lives cut short by painful diseases! These children will shape the future. Think of all the good that will come from this.”

Gaius mulls over Uther’s speech, face impassive.

“Very well, sir,” he decides, stepping aside. Uther brushes past him, his mood darkened slightly.

“But who will shape the children?” the old man mutters, watching the retreating figure.


	2. Chapter 1

_No sun I ever did see  
_

_No breast cried milk for me  
_

_I have no navel, I live in a cube  
_

_And down my throat they stuck a tube  
_

 

Cold.

That was the first thing EMR-Y5 ever felt.

He didn’t know what it was called then, of course, but even years later, he could still remember the sensation. It was more than a slight tickle that gave you goosebumps; it was an all-pervading chill that invaded his bones, his eyes, his very soul.

Behind his eyelids, he could see patterns of red and orange that danced across his corneas. Everything was too bright, and he instinctively clenched his eyes shut. As babies are wont to do, he opened his mouth to let out a wail, but no noise came out. His throat clenched reflexively around the tube that was threaded down his throat, but he did not gag. Instead, he began to hiccup in sorrow, salty tears floating through the mixture that sustained him.

All around him was light, noise, and chaos, from strange clicks and beeps to the murmur of human activity, dulled by the liquid he floated in. He reached out aimlessly, seeking anything to latch on to, anything to shield him from the hell he had been grown in, but found only the slick surface of the glass tube he floated in.

Gaius stood before the tube, watching the baby’s attempts to cry with an impassive face. Beside him, Nimueh made a few notes on her ever-present clipboard.

“EMR-Y5’s the first to wake up,” she noted, a perverse hint of pride in her tone. “He’s always been strong.” Gaius nodded solemnly, swallowing hard. He could see the swell of the baby’s chest as he breathed in the perfluorocarbon mixture, eyes screwed up in fear and sorrow. Nimueh leaned across a table, activating a microphone.

“Hello there, little one,” she crooned. Hearing the maternal tone, the baby ceased crying, trying to locate the source of her voice.

“My, you’re clever, aren’t you?” Nimueh observed, grinning. “Don’t worry, we’ll have you learning in no time!” She turned off the microphone, jotting something down on her clipboard. At the loss of Nimueh’s voice, EMR-Y5’s face scrunched up once again. As he opened his mouth to shriek once more, a burst of gold shone through his eyelids. Every glass beaker within two yards shattered, spilling carefully mixed concoctions across the floor.

Rather than becoming upset, Nimueh practically bounced with glee, clapping her hands together.

“Oh yes,” she said delightedly. “Very strong indeed.” Beside her, Gaius said nothing. _What wasn’t Uther telling him_ , he wondered. _What could these children do?_

 

-M-

 

Uther took the news rather well, all things considered. Staring down at the baby boy in the maternity ward, his expression grim, he kept his face carefully composed. It was only when the nurse turned away that he allowed his expression to crumple for a second, letting out a sob of grief that shook his shoulders.

In front of him, the boy - his son -  continued to sleep, a shock of blond hair peeking out from underneath the pastel-blue hat the nurses had placed on him. It only twisted the knife deeper into Uther’s heart.

 _So much like Ygraine_ , he thought, passing a hand over his face. His sole comfort was that his wife had seen her son before she had breathed her last.

Suddenly, Uther could no longer bear to look at his son. He stalked out of the hospital, the wind whipping his hair and coat. His pager beeped, and he pulled it out of his pocket.

The message was from Gaius: _EMR-Y5 awake, others expected to within 2 wks. How is Arthur?_

Uther’s hand shook as he read the well-intentioned message. He could not bring himself to reply. With a cry of pure rage and sorrow, he threw the pager with all his might. It landed with a soft plop in a nearby lake, bobbing for a moment before sinking beneath the surface. When it disappeared, Uther was composed once more, his stern demeanor enveloping him like a protective cloak.

 _I must be strong_ , he thought. _For Arthur. Project M must continue._


	3. Chapter 2

_I've never had my tears dried  
_

_Never had dresses in which to hide  
_

_Nobody gave me a name  
_

_I'm just a beast for them to tame  
_

 

Gaius regarded the boy in the tank in front of him. _They would have to get a bigger containment unit soon_ , Gaius thought. Although he was far from puberty, EMR-Y5 already showed signs of being tall, all skinny arms and legs.

“It’s time for your lessons,” Gaius said into the microphone. EMR-Y5 perceptively brightened, pushing against the glass in front of him.

Gaius looked furtively around. After ensuring that nobody was there, he pressed his hand against the glass.

“How’s my little merlin doing today?” He asked with a smile. The boy grinned past his tube, signing rapidly through the glass. Due to his feeding tube, he could not speak, and had been taught sign language in order to communicate. "Merlin" was a particulary bright study, and Gaius had given him the nickname after noting how he watched everything, like a hawk waiting for prey.

“All right, first word of today is...family.” Gaius spelled it out with individual letters, then placed his fingers together and moved them in a circle. He held up a picture on a tablet, depicting a mother, father, and two children. “Merlin” dutifully copied the sign, brows furrowing as he looked at the picture. Despite his hair and eyebrows never having grown, the gesture was obvious.

 _Why are they together?_ He signed. Gaius sighed once more. This would be difficult to explain.

“They’re related,” he explained, making the relevant signs for clarity. “They come from..the same place.” He really hoped this wouldn’t turn into the birds and the bees.

Merlin lowered his hands, struggling to understand. _They live together?_ he asked, after a moment.

“No,” replied Gaius, shaking his head. “Here, perhaps it will be easier if we continue.” He swiped the screen, pulling up a picture of a woman holding a baby.

“Mother,” he said, tapping the palm of his upturned hand twice. “Mother.”

Observing the picture before him, Merlin suddenly felt a sense of longing. The people in the picture looked happy together, this “mother” and the baby. He used to be a baby, he knew from his lessons. A thought struck him.

 _Is Nimueh my mother?_ He signed, hopeful. Gaius nearly dropped the tablet in shock.

“No, little merlin,” he sighed. “Nimueh isn’t your mother.”

_Where is my mother? I want my mother._

Unbidden, Gaius’s thoughts went to the poor couple that Merlin’s DNA had come from. The four children had all come from parents seeking fertility treatments. However, they hadn’t been told that their DNA would be used for research, only that the treatments failed.

“You don’t have a mother, EMR-Y5,” Gaius said, harsher than he’d intended. “That’s all for today.” He turned away to hide the guilt he felt about lying to the boy. The poor boy had never even felt a mother’s touch in his life, condemned to watch the world through a yellow tint as it passed by. Behind him, Merlin signed to himself, first absently, then with more purpose.

_Mother._

Around him, the glassware started to rattle ominously as sparks of gold appeared in his irises.

_Mother._

His lips attempted to form a “muh” sound around the feeding tube.

_Mother._


	4. Chapter 3

_This woman, she is so heartless  
_

_And so tonight I promise  
_

_A curse on her I shall lay  
_

_So that she dies this very day  
_

 

Merlin watched Nimueh through clear blue eyes as she went about her business, checking the various monitors he was tethered to. Beside her, Mr. Pendragon stood with his son, Arthur. Mr. Pendragon would come for visits sometimes, Gaius had explained. He was always angry, and he scared Merlin. He scared Arthur too.

Merlin wanted to “talk” with Arthur very badly, but he never said hello, and ignored Merlin’s signing. Despite this setback, Merlin did his best to engage the younger Pendragon in his attempts at conversation, feeling a strange flutter in his chest whenever Arthur smiled, even if it wasn’t in his direction.

Arthur worked with Mr. Pendragon, Gaius had said, but Merlin didn’t believe that. Only bad people worked with Mr. Pendragon, Gaius excepted. Arthur didn’t seem bad.

“My, you’re growing, aren’t you!” she crooned in a saccharine voice. “Guess what? I have a little surprise for you!”

Merlin eagerly thrust his face against the tube’s surface, eyes wide.

“Meet your new friends,” she singsonged, as two more tubes were wheeled into the room.

If he could have, Merlin would’ve gasped in shock. Inside the tubes were people like him. Sometimes, he could see his reflection, and he knew that he didn’t have hair like everybody else. None of these people had hair either, and they all had tubes in their mouths.

One of the glass caskets was bigger than the other, as it contained two girls. One clung to the other tightly, seeking protection. Merlin felt a stab of jealousy at the contact. He wanted to be held, but nobody would hold him.

The other tube held a boy, with the same blue eyes as Merlin. _Family?_ he signed, but the other boy only stared back at him blankly.

“Subjects EMR-Y5, MOR-G1, MOR-G2, and MOR-D3 have been presented with each other,” murmured Nimueh into a dictation tape. “Little indication of animosity, but only EMR-Y5 attempts to engage others.”

Merlin turned to the larger tube. _Hello?_ He signed, more cautiously.

 _No_ , returned the bigger girl. _No no no no no_. Discouraged, Merlin moved back into the center, watching Nimueh, Mr. Pendragon, and Arthur.

“This is wrong,” Arthur was saying. “They’re practically children! You can’t use them like this!”

“Why not? They’re loyal to us,” said Nimueh, with an indifferent shrug.

“They’re not children,” added Uther, with a disgusted noise. “They’re _experiments_.” He turned on his heel, exiting the room.

“Let me know when you’ve overcome your squeamishness,” he called back. Alarmed, Merlin noticed Arthur was practically shaking with rage. He made calming gestures, but Arthur still kept his eyes averted. Merlin banged on the tank in frustration.

“For Christ’s sake, he’s pounding on the glass!” Cried Arthur, turning angrily on Nimueh. “You can’t do this!”

“Believe me, if he wanted to get out, he’d be trying a lot harder,” said Nimueh, unfazed by Arthur’s outburst. “We have plans to weaponize the gene, these four are just the prototype.”

Merlin began to grow angry along with Arthur, years of resentment bubbling to the surface. Nimueh was never going to let him out. She only ever took things from him.

 _She took my mother_ , he realized, a pit forming in his stomach. A wordless rage boiled in him, his eyes burning gold through the liquid.

Whenever he was angry, things broke. Merlin didn’t understand why, but it scared him, and so he tried not to get mad. But now, there was no stopping him.

Without warning, his tube shattered, spraying shards of glass and liquid everywhere. One by one, the other tubes broke open, sending their occupants slithering to the floor.

Merlin screamed for the first time as he wrenched the feeding tube from his mouth, retching and coughing as the fluid left his lungs. The air burned as he breathed it in, but he relished it.

He was too weak to stand, having never had to fight gravity before. With a mighty struggle, Merlin pulled himself onto his hands and knees, crying out as the glass shards sliced his skin.

“Muh…” he panted, his tongue thick in his mouth. “Muh…”

Nimueh scrabbled back frantically as the other three test subjects shrieked and flailed, Arthur taking refuge behind an overturned desk.

“Mother,” whispered Merlin, forcing the word out in a harsh gasp. He jerked his head, a particularly large piece of glass lifting from the floor as his eyes flashed.

“No,” gasped Nimueh. “No, you’re mine! You’re mine!” She screamed hysterically as the glass slowly approached her.

“MOTHER!” Shouted Merlin, and the glass embedded itself in Nimueh’s chest with a thunk. A scream died on her lips as the life bled out of her, gushing red to mix with the yellow liquid on the floor.

“Muh,” Merlin repeated, sinking to the floor. “Noooo…” He began to panic. Nimueh was gone, Gaius was nowhere to be found, and the other subjects were still coming to terms with their release. They made high keening sounds of distress, the girls clutching each other and the boy curled up in a fetal position.

Then, Merlin felt something on his skin. Having only recently experienced the phenomenon, he was understandably confused. He looked up to see that Arthur had placed his white coat over him. The other boy rubbed his hand across Merlin’s back.

Warmth.

Merlin hesitantly reached up to touch Arthur, in awe at the simple act of human contact. He placed Arthur’s hand on his face, rubbing it across his cheek. Instinctively, he curled up against his protector, heedless of the blood and liquid he was coated in.

Arthur hesitated momentarily, but he slowly began to pet the newly freed Merlin.

“It’s alright,” he murmured, trying not to spook Merlin. “I don’t have a mother either.”

And then, Merlin began to cry, great wracking sobs that shook his thin frame. He cried from the pain in his hands, from fear of the world he had just been forced into, from the sorrow of losing the closest thing to a mother he’d ever had. But he also cried with joy, because Arthur was holding him. Another human being was finally holding him.


	5. Chapter 4

_An eel lives in her lungs, down in the dark  
_

_But my forehead still bears her mark  
_

_I'll remove it with the kiss of a knife  
_

_Even if it costs my life  
_

 

Merlin stared numbly at his reflection. He didn’t recognize the boy that stared back. This boy had hair, and blue eyes. Having only seen himself in the tank, he’d thought his eyes were green.

“My name is Merlin,” he practiced. “I am twenty years old. I live with Dr. Gaius Diod.” The syllables felt heavy on his tongue, still difficult to form. He signed them for good measure, watching his fingers in the mirror. He was getting better at talking, but he still preferred to sign.

Gaius had taken all the subjects to his house, trying to stop them from being wildly overstimulated. After spending their entire lives in a glass tank, they would need very gradual exposure to the real world, he’d said, and he was the best qualified to do so.

Arthur came to visit nearly every day, making clumsy attempts at teaching the subjects in matters of the real world. The sisters were still inseparable, and the other boy preferred to wrap himself in blankets, but Merlin would always unashamedly cuddle up next to Arthur whenever he sat down. Even when they stood, Merlin would cling to his arm, hold his hand, or otherwise stick to him in a distinctly limpet-like fashion. His craving for physical contact was practically insatiable.

However, Arthur didn’t mind. He was more than happy to hold Merlin’s hand, or idly pet him while explaining different kinds of food (“No, don’t eat that much, Merlin, you’ll make yourself ill!")

But every day Merlin would stand and look at his reflection, deeply unnerved. His eyes scared him the most. They were the same blue as Nimueh’s eyes, the kind that bored straight through you.

 _No more eyes_ , he mused, _No more Nimueh_. He reached forward to touch his reflection, then towards his own eyes, fingers extended like talons.

“Merlin, no!” cried Arthur, who had been sitting nearby. He grabbed Merlin’s hands in a vise-like grip. Despite his struggles, Merlin was no match for him, and he eventually exhausted himself.

“Why would you do that?” Arthur panted, still holding Merlin’s hands. “It’s not good to hurt yourself!”

“Nimueh,” moaned Merlin, pointing at his eyes. “Looks like Nimueh.”

“Oh, Merlin,” gasped Arthur, pulling him into a hug. “You don’t look like her. Not at all. She’s gone now, she can’t hurt you any more.”

“Not gone,” protested Merlin.

“Yes, she is,” Arthur said firmly. “Gone forever. And then when we find your real mother, you’ll see that you look like her. Probably won’t be hard to find if she has ears like yours.”

Arthur playfully tweaked one of Merlin’s ears. Despite the thicket of black hair that had sprouted within the last two months, they still stuck out from his head. Merlin looked down, but he had started to smile. As they walked out of the bathroom, Gaius greeted them with a smile.

“There are some people I’d like you to meet, Merlin,” he said gently. Behind him stood a man and a woman, holding each other’s arm protectively. _They had hair like him_ , Merlin noted. _And eyes_. Both parts of the couple had blue eyes, but they were warm and gentle, not like Nimueh's at all.

“Hello, my name is Merlin,” Merlin said, doing his best to get the phrase correct. “I am twenty years old.”

The woman put a hand to her mouth, tears forming in her eyes. She pulled Merlin into a tight hug, the man enveloping them both.

“Hello, Merlin,” she whispered. “I’m your mother.”

“Mother,” repeated Merlin, squeezing the woman. “My mother.” Tears began to stream down his face, but he was content to let them fall.

He had found his mother. Nothing else mattered.

 


End file.
